Hello, from wherever you are reading this! If you are new to my lifestyle blog, thank you for taking the time to read today’s blog topic: appreciating being single. Always feel free to follow me on my Facebook page, because this next week (Wednesday, March 7th) I’ll be doing my first Facebook Live video for a book review! Click this link to be directed to my Facebook page.
In 2016, I wrote a blog about being single & 23. Between November 2016 to March 2018, some events have caused me to change, other events remind me to stay the same. Cause and effect. My twenty-fiftieth birthday is approaching in three months. Along with it comes mixed emotions.
By the way, the header photo? I went to Lake Hefner a couple of weeks ago when it was 60 degrees outside. I try to go into nature once a week, and just be. I also haven’t been to the ocean in several years, and being land-locked makes me miss the ocean.
First, let’s review my “dating history.” i have a open personality, and I have started to learn to keep some things and events to myself, but most things I share with people.
2008-2012: Was in some high school flings my freshman year, and then by the end of freshman year, I went away from dating. For the rest of my time in High School, I was happily single. I was struggling with newly discovered depression (that wasn’t diagnosed till College), so a relationship at the time wasn’t ideal. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t ask people out, to gage interest (turned down a few times).
2012-2013: It wasn’t until the Spring of my Freshman year in College did I go out with someone for about two months. I joke that this was “exam dating at the end of the semester” dating time. While I was heartbroken it didn’t work out, I’m glad it didn’t in the end, because I moved to Oklahoma by the Fall of 2013.
One date in December 2013. No bueno. Left dating alone, because this was the height of my depression and I needed to work on making friends in the city first.
2014-2015: Again, single and was working on becoming my greatest version.
2016: It was from December 2015 to January of 2016 I had a boyfriend. Within the one month mark, I was cheated on and he left out of the blue. Yes, ghosting is a thing that people do. For the first two months of 2016, I questioned myself, and began to destroy all the work I had done over the years on myself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do they all leave? This was all in the midst of a seasonal depression period. It took me till March of 2017 to begin to pick up the pieces of my life, after living a few weeks of miserably.
2017: Halfway through the year, I asked out people I was interested in, and they in turn, were not interested in me. Now, I am glad they said no. Lived through my worst depression to date, in September & November.
2018: In September, I celebrate my two year anniversary with staying in one city and in one state for a consistent two years. Within the past three months, I have been living in my own studio apartment. Which means finally growing up. Sorry, Peter Pan. I tend to get restless and move a lot, which is why I try to take weekend vacations every 2-3 months.
With this brief analysis of my dating history, why have I been single 95% of my life, thus far? The question is not why me but how?
Because working on becoming your greatest version first (and therefore loving yourself first) allows, you to provide a more nurturing relationship with others. Including future (and/or current) partners.
Every day, I do the following:
– Morning pages by hand (three pages, on average) of me writing out my life emotions, to-do lists, three basic needs for the day, and three basic answers to what I am grateful for.
-Meditate five to ten minutes a day in silence, when I first begin my day. If I find another 5-10 minutes to practice deep breathing, then I do that about mid- day.
Other fun things I do, for myself:
Weekly bubble baths (on Wednesday nights)
Creative weekly artistic dates. Music, art, poetry time, etc. It let’s my inner artist breathe.
Only go out-to-eat two to three times a month (to save money). I’m starting to embrace new restaurants that are vegetarian or vegan.
Save a 10th of what I earn each paycheck, and put it towards savings. This week, my savings has been depleted because of a $1,000 car repair.
Here’s What I Refuse To Do:
The brain does not comprehend the word not. This is especially true when creating a mantra/affirmation.
No self-pity because someone does not want to be with me. The thinking of “no one wants to date me.” Here’s the answer to that thought: someone does you just haven’t met them yet, or haven’t given them a chance to express themselves.
Being negative during emotional times. Negativity brings out our shadow side, as well as brings us down to a lower self of us, that is not our self.
This will sound cliche but understand that timing is everything.
When you begin to express happiness and content for the life you have, what you want (partnership, love, money, other things) will come freely. When you are beating yourself up over events, people and things outside your control, your vibrational alignment sifts towards a lower vibration. Pulling you away from what you want.
Note: Most exercises (morning pages & artistic dates) are from The Artist’s Way workbook by Julie Cameron.
This was brief and originally was going to be published last month on Valentine’s Day. But why didn’t it get published that day, and what was I doing?
I was taking a bubble bath, and sleeping.
How have you used your single (or coupled) life to bring you joy and happiness? Let me know in the comments, and I hope you have fantastic month of March!