Emotions can be fun, ya?

The feature image is from December 26,2015. I just adopted my second cat, Sarah.

I have to admit and say I am sorry if I mix up languages in my posts sometimes, because I have a tendency to speak and write in basic German and Spanish, even though my primary language is English. Who cares, I love languages any ways.

I cried earlier tonight, for no apartment reason. I called my Mom, but she did not answer, and later she called and I told her that I was sad earlier.

“Do you want to talk about it? Why were you sad?” Her tone was so happy when she said that, it just turned me away.

No point in telling Mom, she doesn’t always understand what its like to live with mental health issues.
I’ve been trying to help my Mother understand a little bit at a time how difficult it can be to control sadness when it hits, or when anxiety comes and takes my breath away. She admits to having the problem of knowing what to say when I am in certain moods, but that’s why I know not to tell her things.

But I should be able to trust her and tell her these things, right? I have a problem with trusting family. It may not be just family, but I’ve noticed in particular that I have troubles trusting family to take care of my garden when I leave, or my pets when I go to the grocery store.

Sounds weird, I know.

Anyways, trust is a hard thing for me with family because my Mother and Father never got married, but in some ways I am glad they didn’t get married. My Dad was mentally and physically abusive, and I’m still trying to forgive him. My Mom treats me and my sister (who has a different Father) differently. We have a seven year gap, and I had to return home three months ago, but the difference between my Mother and I seems large.

I know she loves me. She loves my sister too. I can be a social person, but that is when I am with my college friends and band geeks. When my Mother wants to take me to go out on the town, I don’t want to. She wants to go dancing, and I just want to stay home.

We don’t see eye to eye, and sometimes that’s fine. Its when I have to be independant on the topics of mental health around family is when it’s not fine.

Side note: Did I really just type this much in a short amount of time? #StraightFromTheHeart



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